I speak also from the perspective of a former “gifted” (“magnet”, “enrichment”, whatever) kid who has lots of good grades and cool projects he can look back on, none of which his parents ever helped him with. As a teacher, I insist as much as I can that every parent-teacher conference be a parent-teacher-student conference. I help them with their homework… to a point! I’m also a teacher who has seen too many near-adults who care less about their education than their parents do, because their parents never let them experience the consequences of their own choices, for better or worse.
This is coming from a parent of 5 who loves his kids as much as any parent. And maybe worse? They won’t take pride in their successes. If you don’t let them take ownership of their own work, then they won’t learn from their failures. Reading everything they write? Checking all their math homework? Who does that help? Remember, this is their education. Take a step back! Let your kids struggle and grapple and figure things out on their own. And the school’s administration seems to encourage this, saying they want parents to be partners in their children’s education by making sure that homework is being done and assignments turned in. These parents read everything that’s turned in, and double-check all the math problems, and spend a lot more time and effort on their kids’ school work than my husband and I ever have.
She just started in a rigorous magnet high school and it seems like every other parent at the school is more involved in their child’s schooling than we are. In the end, though, she graduated middle school with straight As, with good study habits, and without any fights about homework. But these kinds of incidents taught her to budget her time better or to make sure she let us know when she was going to need special materials. I will admit that during middle school there were late nights when my daughter realized that she budgeted her time poorly, and times she had to improvise projects because we weren’t able to get the materials she wanted because of short notice.
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